16_Extra_English_Uncle_Nick

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Narrative

 

ANNIE

Mmm! Chocolate mousse! Mmm! Peanut butter! Mmm! Strawberry yogurt. Nice.

 

Sound of key rattling in lock

 

ANNIE

Ow!!

 

HECTOR

Ah! Ah! [ Assorted yodelling and clapping sounds]

Oh, oh, sorry Annie, exams, I forgot!

I won’t make a sound.

 

ANNIE

 

Sound of crisp packet being opened/crunching noise

 

Tapping sound

 

HECTOR

Oh, sorry Annie …

 

ANNIE

Hector! Stop!

Do not eat that apple!

 

HECTOR

Oh sorry.

You want it, Annie?

 

ANNIE

No, Hector! It’s too noisy! I am trying to revise!

My exams are next week! Oooh!

I need some classical music.

 

Sound of soothing classical music in background

 

HECTOR

Sorry Annie, I … I …

 

Assorted scrubbing noises/crashing sound

 

HECTOR

Oh, oh, Annie! Help!

Help!

 

 

 

BRIDGET

ANNIE!!

 

ANNIE

Oh!

 

BRIDGET

Why is Hector hanging out of the window?

 

ANNIE

Oh, poor Hector!

 

HECTOR

Aaah!

 

ANNIE

Oh! Oh Hector, are you OK?

 

HECTOR

Ah, yeah, the window is dirty …

 

ANNIE

Well then it’s a job for a window cleaner, not you!

 

BRIDGET

Hey guys, look at these. It’s pictures of my makeover!

 

HECTOR

What is a make-over?

 

ANNIE

It’s, it’s when they use make up to turn this into this!

Just joking!

Bridget, they’re fantastic, you look like a film star!

 

BRIDGET

Cameron Diaz, watch out!

 

HECTOR

Hah, were you wearing lots of makeup?

 

BRIDGET

 

ANNIE

Anyway, what are they for?

 

BRIDGET

Well Nick wants to be a Hollywood movie star and if he can do it, I can do it!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

NICK

[Laughing]

Really?!

You are going to tell George Ducas about me.

What, the George Ducas, the Hollywood director?

I’m going to tell him what a great actor I am.

Oh, Victoria, thank you so much!

How can I thank you?

Oh. Ha-ha.

Can’t anyone else do it?

Yes! Of course I want you tell George about me! No problem. See you later.

Hah-huh!

That was my erm, friend, Victoria Yallop, the really good actress.

 

BRIDGET

Yes!

She’s a really good actress.

“Ni-ck, dar-ling.”

 

NICK

Well, guess what.

 

HECTOR, ANNIE and BRIDGET

She’s going to tell George Ducas, the Hollywood director all about you.

 

NICK

Yeah, how did you know?

 

HECTOR

Lucky guess!

 

BRIDGET

And what do you have to do for her?

 

NICK

Erm, er, nothing. She wants me to look after something for her. Ha-ha!

 

Sound of knocking on door

 

VICTORIA YALLOP

Oh, ha-ha-ha, Victoria Yallop.

Nick is expecting me!

Nick darling! This must be so much trouble for you!

 

NICK

No problem, no problem at all!

 

VICTORIA YALLOP

Sw-eet!

OK, three rules. No meat, clean underpants in the morning and in bed by eight.

Now meet …  where are you? Come here!

 

 

 

 

 

Sound of discordant music

 

VICTORIA YALLOP

Ah, ah-hah-hah.

Nick, meet Lucas.

Lucas, say hello to Uncle Nicky-Wicky!

 

NICK

 

Buzzing noise

 

NICK

Good joke!

 

Sound of laughing

 

VICTORIA YALLOP

Well I must dash.

George is waiting for me.

Don’t worry Nick, I’m going to tell him all about you!

Ha-ha  – Lucas, be a good boy for Uncle Nicky-Wicky!

Ah … don’t tell me, Nightmare on Elm Street.

[Laughs] Goodbye darling, goodbye!

 

NICK

[Laughs nervously]

 

LUCAS

I’m hungry.

 

BRIDGET

Nick, what is going on?

 

NICK

Ha, erm, Victoria’s au pair has run off with the postman! Aaagh!

 

BRIDGET

So?!

 

NICK

So, she’s got no one to look after Lucas.

 

ANNIE

So, why can’t she look after her own son?

 

NICK

Because she’s going to meet George Ducas.

 

HECTOR

Where?

 

NICK

New York.

 

BRIDGET

New York?!!

NICK

She’ll be back tomorrow!

 

ANNIE

Tomorrow?!

 

Sound of clicking from TV remote control

 

ANNIE

He’s very sweet, but what about my exams?

 

NICK

He won’t be a problem.

You won’t even notice him.

 

BRIDGET

We’d better not.! Ow!!

 

ANNIE [Composing email]

Mm, my exams are next week and I’m trying to revise.

 

Sound of crisp packet being opened/crunching noise/tapping noise

 

ANNIE [Composing email]

But this place is so noisy.

 

ANNIE

Hector! Stop!

 

BRIDGET

I don’t believe it! There is a seven-year-old boy staying with us. It’s all Nick’s fault!

 

VICTORIA YALLOP

Say hello to Uncle Nicky-Wicky!

 

BRIDGET

Ooh! I think there’s trouble ahead.

Buzzing noise

 

BRIDGET

Ooh!

 

Sound of door being opened

 

BRIDGET

Annie, have you seen these?

 

ANNIE

You showed me earlier.

 

BRIDGET

No, look – it’s that, that child! [Sound of discordant music]

What’s that noise?

 

ANNIE

Oh, Lucas is playing ball.

 

BRIDGET

Oh, is he?

 

Sound of discordant music

 

LUCAS

Oh, you’ve made me do that.

 

BRIDGET

He’s on my bike!

 

ANNIE

I know.

Just don’t go in the bathroom.

 

Sound of discordant music

 

ANNIE

I said, don’t go in the bathroom.

And I, I don’t know what he’s done with the toilet paper.

 

Charley make whimpering noise

 

ANNIE

Oh!

Oh poor Charley.

 

LUCAS

I’m hungry.

 

ANNIE

Nick, where have you been?

 

NICK

Shopping – for Lucas.

 

BRIDGET

Nick, you must take control of him.

 

NICK

Maybe I’m trying!

 

ANNIE

Nick, I’m trying to work, I’m trying to revise for my exams … Oh! Ooh!

 

Scraping noise

 

NICK

OK, OK, very nice, Lucas.

Maybe later?

 

HECTOR

I know, let’s play games.

 

ANNIE

Oh, I’ve got Twister.

 

LUCAS

Oh great.

 

ANNIE

Oh OK, boys versus girls.

 

Sound of accompanying music

 

HECTOR

So, I’ll just move my left foot over to you … whoa, it is stuck!

 

NICK

OK, I’ll move my hand.

Oh-hey, I, I can’t move.

 

BRIDGET

Nor can I!

 

ANNIE

Oh, what’s happening?!

 

NICK

Lucas, what have you done?

Lucas, come here.

Lucas, come on, Lucas

Oh please  …

 

Scraping noise

 

NICK

Lucas, Lucas … oh!!

 

NICK [Composing email]

The good news is that Victoria is going to tell the Hollywood director, George Ducas, all about me!

 

VICTORA

I’m going to tell him all about you!

 

NICK [Composing email]

The bad news is: her seven-year-old son, Lucas, is staying with us.

He’s cute, but he is always hungry!

 

LUCAS

I’m hungry.

I’m hungry.

 

NICK [Composing email]

He likes playing tricks too.

 

BRIDGET [Composing email]

I knew Lucas would be trouble!

My bathroom is mess, he ruined my makeover photos and he plays the violin – badly!

 

 

 

 

Sound of door slamming

 

ANNIE

Oh, hi Lucas.

Where have you been?

 

LUCAS

To the zoo.

 

ANNIE

Oh, where’s Nick?

 

LUCAS

He had to take the penguin back.

 

ANNIE

The penguin?

 

LUCAS

Yeah, it must have fallen into my bag.

 

ANNIE

 

Sound of door slamming

 

HECTOR

What are you listening to?

I said, what are you listening to?

 

LUCAS

Dog … …

 

HECTOR

Oh, can I listen? [Sound of music getting louder]

Hey, this is good!

 

Screeching noise

 

ANNIE

Aaah!

 

LUCAS

So-rr-y!

 

ANNIE

Hector!

 

HECTOR

Lucas! Come here!

Lucas, why are you so  [buzzing noise] – ow!!

Hey, that’s me!

Lucas, do you want to be like me? A news reporter?

Well, to be a good news reporter you have to do everything exactly as I do.

 

 

 

Jazz type music plays in background

 

HECTOR

All good news readers brush their teeth.

 

LUCAS

 

HECTOR

Comb their hair …

 

LUCAS

 

HECTOR

And say goodnight.

 

LUCAS

I’m hungry.

 

HECTOR

Good night sugar plum. [Sound of kissing]

 

LUCAS

Yuck!

 

HECTOR

Haven’t you got a girlfriend, Lucas?

 

NICK

Oh, girls are wonderful, especially Bridget!

 

LUCAS

Girls are yuck, especially  Bridget.

 

NICK

Yeah well anyway, time for bed.

 

LUCAS

Nick, thank you for a lovely day.

 

NICK

Well that’s OK, little fellow.

We’ll have more fun tomorrow.

Night night.

 

Sound of discordant music

 

NICK

Hah, hah, sweet kid. Hah. Aah!

How does he do that?

 

 

 

 

Change in sound to Bridget’s work out music/music stops abruptly

 

BRIDGET

I’ve had enough of you, you, little grr-grr-grr!

 

Short sequence of music in/out

 

BRIDGET

Now, sweetie, that was very good!

But Auntie Bridget thinks you should stretch more like this!

Would you like a cup of tea?

 

Assorted noises in background

 

NICK

Ah-hah!

 

BRIDGET

Oh, hi Nick!

This is Joe, he was just telling me about window cleaning.

 

NICK

So I see!

So, you want my girlfriend do you? [Sound of discordant music] Ha-ha, ha-ha-ha!

Now, ha! Thanks, Lucas! Ha-ha.

 

BRIDGET

Nick, Joe, stop!

 

NICK

No, he started it!

Hah, aah.

 

ANNIE

Nick, what are you doing?!

 

JOE

Aaah!

 

HECTOR

Electric shocks!

 

LUCAS

Check!

 

NICK

How do you do that?

 

BRIDGET

Oh, poor Joe!

Oh, I haven’t paid him! Joe!

 

ANNIE

Has Bridget just run off with the window cleaner.

 

HECTOR and NICK

Yep!

 

VICTORIA YALLOP

Cuckoo!

Anybody home! Lucas my darling, I’m back. Give your mummy a hug!

 

NICK

How was George?

 

VICTORIA YALLOP

Wonderful!

 

NICK

So, did you, erm, tell George about, erm, – you know

 

VICTORIA YALLOP

You know?

What?

 

NICK

[Clears throat]

Did you tell George Ducas about me?

What a good actor I am.

 

VICTORIA YALLOP

Oh! I’m so sorry darling, I completely forgot!

It was all so exciting!

Oh, Lucas, you’re going to have a new daddy.

George and I are going to be married.

I’m going to be Mrs George Ducas.

 

HECTOR

Hey! That means you are going to be Lucas Ducas!

 

VICTORIA YALLOP

Lucas, come with me and meet your new daddy.

Oh-hah-hah!

 

LUCAS

See, girls are yuck!

 

Buzzing noise

 

HECTOR

Oh!

 

COMMENTARY [v.o.]

Next time in EXTRA. Bridget gets a new computer, the boys get competitive and Annie gets a surprise.

EXTRA – don’t miss it!

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